How much weight can I lose in 4 weeks? And is it worth bothering?
We did something impulsive today: we booked a cruise. A CRUISE! A 4-night Bahama cruise that leaves mid-October – and that’s just 4 weeks away.
We did it for good reason: The cruise was a smokin’ deal! The room/board on the cruise for both of us was less than the cost of a flight to Seattle for one of us (Seattle was our original preferred destination). I’ll desperately miss seeing my sister and my friends, but… seriously… how could we pass up such a great deal? We’ve never been to the Bahamas, either. And really, cruising is just so relaxing and fun! We can go to Seattle in the spring instead.
Now, though, I’m freaking out. All I can think about is wearing a swimsuit and a cocktail dress in all of those pictures. I’m not a tiny girl. In fact, I’m pretty far into the “good personality” category.
The funny thing is, I think about my weight every day. Pretty much all day, actually. “Obsessed” may not be far off the mark. I weigh myself at least once a day, knowing that’s a ridiculous thing to do. I think about the clothes I could wear if I was a little lighter…or a lot lighter. I would actually bet that there isn’t an hour that goes by when the thought of my weight doesn’t cross my mind. I hate shopping for clothes because none of the ones I want to wear fit me right. Plus, I keep thinking I’ll be skinnier soon, so why bother buying new stuff now?
BUT, at the same time, I’m continually floored every time I see my own reflection. I FEEL like I should be a thin person (ok, the sheer mass of food I consume logically dictates a biological improbability there, but hey! We’re ignoring that stuff today). So when I catch sight of that big girl in the floppy t-shirts (really, I NEED to lose the weight so I can find the courage to clothes shop!), can hardly believe it’s me. Where did THAT person come from?
Overall, I’ve had my share of successes. I have a great marriage and Hubby doesn’t care what size I am. Family loves me, too. I’m good at my job and I feel valued. I love doing the volunteer work I do and I feel appreciated there, as well. I (and perhaps my doctor) am the only one who really cares about my weight.
So why can’t I just… do it? Get it over with and get skinny? I lost a significant amount of weight a year ago, then (and I’m still mortified and reeling from this myself!) put it all back on. I know HOW to diet: burn more calories than you consume. Its simple and logical. I’m a logical person overall. I’ve analyzed my “triggers”, I understand the calorie content of food, I know I should weigh only once or twice a week, I understand how to set small goals, I know… all of the logic behind a good diet/lifestyle! So what is freakin’ WRONG with me? WHY is this so hard?
If I use the cruise as motivation to start getting thin again, will I just gain it all back? Is it worth it to kill myself dieting when I only have 4 short weeks?
–Tracy
No comments:
Post a Comment