I Ran Because I Said I Would

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I have a dream to be an effortless, consistent runner. At this point, I don’t want to run a marathon. I don’t want to be a capital R runner, just a lower-case one. To be able to run 3 miles without stopping.  Not too much to ask, right? Not too big a challenge, right? Yet, of all the exercise and fitness things I do, running is the most difficult.  It’s just really hard for me to run very far at a stretch. I get winded fast. My legs hurt. I give up.  

Often, I chalk this block up to a horrible track coach I had in high school.  Prior to getting on the track team freshman year,  I had enjoyed running. I always competed in the end-of-the-school-year races in elementary school and usually came home with a first or second place ribbon.  I LOVED the 100 yard dash!  Boy, was I fast. I was the tiniest runner and the fastest. But, then I started track with Coach Jackass (I blocked out his real name so that’s what I call him.)  Coach Jackass determined that I was best suited for running the longer distances, in particular the one-mile. What??!!  I had never run more than half a mile, was he insane?  He insisted distance was my thing since I was under 5-feet tall and didn’t have the long strides for sprinting. So, I trained for the mile and some relay crap. I hated it! And I sucked at it. 

Coach Jackass was not one for positive reinforcement. He was a nasty man. No support or encouragement came from him. Just disappointment. I cannot remember how long I trudged through the horror of track before I quit. But,  I remember the day I decided to do so. We were at a track meet. I was assigned the mile. The race began. I was so slow. As the agonizing minutes ticked by, I fell farther and farther behind. My legs hurt. I was so tired and gasping for air. I kept running. Then, I realized that I was the last runner to cross the finish line and it was still a good distance ahead of me. All the other runners had finished. It was just me on the track with the finish far ahead. I wanted to die. Then, someone from the stands yelled out “You can do it!”  (How pathetically sweet.) So, I kept up my hobbling pace and eventually crossed the finish line. One would think I would have been elated to have reached the goal line. Nope. I was devastated. Humiliated. Mortified. I was bereft of my confidence.  I never went back.  I never did anything sports or athletics related until college.  I had failed and I carried it with me. Yet, many years later I found myself having thoughts of overcoming this failure. I eyed with admiration and envy the runners that passed me at the track as I power-walked. I began to think it was time to slay this dragon.

Though I really, really want to be able to run for longer than a minute without feeling my legs giving out, I sometimes ignore this dream.  Do you do this? Do you have a dream (fitness or otherwise) that you ignore? I ignore because I know it is not easy for me to run. I know it takes effort and more effort than I am willing to give sometimes. Isn’t that frustrating! How will I ever achieve my dream if I do not make regular efforts to do so? I won’t. So, on this sunny, cold Saturday, I told myself that I was going to the near-by running track and I was going to do jogging intervals. But, when I woke up, I just wanted to curl up on the couch with hot tea and a good book. And I did.  But, after an hour, I told myself “Get the hell up and go to the track!”  I did not want to go. I did not want to run. Even when I got there, I was ready to give up and just walk. But, no, I did what I had planned to do – run for 1 minute, walk for 3, and repeat 13 times, with 4 minutes warm-up and 4 minutes cool-down. It’s part of multi-week plan to gear up to run for 30 minutes straight. So, even though I did not want to do it, I did run because I said I would. Because I will never reach my goal of being a runner by sitting on the couch or choosing the easier exercise. While it was a challenge for me to do all of my 13 reps, I felt so good when I was done. I still feel great even now.

Today I ran because I said I would. What have you said you will do? Have you done it?